Burgers R Us
National Operations, Opinions 8 Comments 
cei, gsusa
Customer: I am so excited about going to Burgers R Us! I grew up going there and I love the cheeseburgers!
Burgers R Us: Hi, welcome to Burgers R Us! What can I help you with today?
Customer: Thanks! I’d like a cheeseburger.
Burgers R Us: Here you go. That’ll be $5.
Customer: Aren’t you going to put it together for me instead of just handing me the pieces?
Burgers R Us: No.
Customer: How will I know how to put it together?
Burgers R Us: Just go over to that table and figure it out.
Customer: I don’t understand.
Burgers R Us: You’ll figure it out.
<Five minutes later>
Customer: Hey, this burger isn’t cooked all the way through! Can you give me another one?
Burgers R Us: No. That’s the way they are supposed to be.
Customer: Excuse me?
Burgers R Us: That’s the way they are supposed to be, and that’s how you should eat them.
Customer: But I don’t want them this way. Neither does my daughter. In fact, I don’t know of anyone that likes it this way.
Burgers R Us: That’s not what our research says.
Customer: I don’t care what your research says! Sigh – nevermind, I’ll fix it myself.
<Five minutes later>
Customer: Hey – I didn’t get a piece of lettuce. Can I get one?
Burgers R Us: That’ll be a dollar.
Customer: What?
Burgers R Us: That’ll be a dollar.
Customer: You can’t just give me a piece of lettuce? I already bought the cheeseburger.
Burgers R Us: No. That’ll be a dollar.
Customer: Fine. Here’s a dollar.
Burgers R Us: I need two more dollars.
Customer: For what??
Burgers R Us: This booklet about cheeseburgers. After reading it, you talk about what it’s like to make the cheeseburgers, how you feel eating the cheeseburgers, and then you look around to see how you can put cheeseburgers to use in your community.
Customer: Why do I need to talk about the cheeseburger making? Aren’t I doing that when I’m actually making and eating the cheeseburger?
Burgers R Us: No.
Customer: Who is coming up with this stuff?
Burgers R Us: Our leadership.
Customer: Have they even EATEN one of these cheeseburgers?
Burgers R Us: No.
<Five minutes later>
Customer: Woohoo! I’m ready for the granddaddy dessert of them all! Gimme an ice cream sundae!
Burgers R Us: Have you bought another booklet other than the one you bought earlier?
Customer: Another booklet? The talking about cheeseburgers thing?
Burgers R Us: Yes. Have you bought another one?
Customer: Well, no.
Burgers R Us: You have to get another one and complete it before you can get the ice cream sundae.
Customer: I’m not following you.
Burgers R Us: We have a variety of booklets about how to discuss becoming the best cheeseburger expert that you can be.
Customer: I don’t get this discussion thing.
Burgers R Us: Our research shows…
Customer: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll take a booklet. Sigh.
<Five minutes later>
Customer: Hey, didn’t there used to be a playground in the back? The kids loved it!
Burgers R Us: We sold it.
Customer: What?? Why?
Burgers R Us: Because.
Customer: Because why?
Burgers R Us: Because we wanted to.
Customer: I… just… wow.
<a week later>
Burgers R Us: Hi, welcome to Burgers R Us! What can I help you with today?
Customer: I’d like a cheeseburger.
Burgers R Us: That’ll be $10.
Customer: Ten dollars!?!? It was five just last week!
Burgers R Us: Our board of directors determined we needed to raise prices as a part of our new initiative to help serve customers.
Customer: But ten dollars??? That’s a big jump in price, don’t you think?
Burgers R Us: No.
Customer: Sigh. Great. So what do I get for this additional $5?
Burgers R Us: What grade is your daughter in?
Customer: What? Um – 6th grade? What does that have to do…
Burgers R Us: Here you go.
Customer: This is an empty french fry container.
Burgers R Us: That’s right.
Customer: I don’t get it.
Burgers R Us: If your daughter was in K5 through 5th grade, she’d get french fries. But your daughter is too old and we don’t have anything for her.
Customer: I… um…. oh good grief, I’ll just find something to fill it.
<a week later>
Burgers R Us: Hi, welcome to Burgers R Us! What can I help you with today?
Customer: Sigh. I would like a cheeseburger. Are they still $10?
Burgers R Us: Yes.
Customer: All right, great.
Burgers R Us: We have something exciting to tell you!
Customer: You do? Ooh, this sounds good!
Burgers R Us: It is! We call it B.U.R.G.E.R.!
Customer: Awesome! What is it?
Burgers R Us: You get to go out and tell everybody about how great our cheeseburgers are!
Customer: Huh?
Burgers R Us: You get to go out into the world and spread the excitement about Burgers R Us!
Customer: But I’m already buying and eating the cheeseburgers. And helping others do the same thing.
Burgers R Us: Yes, but you should go out to the public and tell them how great we are!
Customer: Isn’t that your job?
Burgers R Us: No! It’s yours! Isn’t that exciting?
Customer: I’m not sure what to say.
Burgers R Us: You should say you’re excited!
Customer: Sigh. Okay. I’m excited. But could you at least fix the cheeseburger or give us more to choose from?
Burgers R Us: No.
I cant stop laughing. Laughing so hard the cats left the room.
I don’t know whether to cry, scream… or wet my pants!
Gosh, when you put it that way, what the heck am I doing!?!??!?!
I my goodness I LOVE IT !
The only thing I want to add is : and with the empty fry container your daughter will have to watch and help the younger ones with their fries
You hit the nail square on its head!
This is brilliant. As a leader of Cadettes who constantly get handed that empty french fry container I totally agree. And if we don’t recruit at the Cadette level why did I have 2 girls join my troop in October and 2 more join just this week? If it is fun, they will come! Too bad I have to make up the fun out of whole cloth.
This is exactly why I am leaving GS after 46 years. Things have just gotten more and more absurd from national on down the line.
OMG! That you get to go out and tell everyone how GREAT the burger experience is and ask them to buy burgers, and make, and eat and sell burgers that you’ve bought and made so describes the recruiting practices in our council!