Network Alignment: The Next Frontier
National Governance, National Operations, Random Things That Don't Fit Anywhere Else Kinda Like Me 2 Comments 
2023 NCS, cei, karen layng, middle tennessee council, national board, national council, volunteer systems
<<Karen Layng, the National President of GSUSA, steps to the podium at the 2023 National Council Session in Orlando.>>
KL: Thank you, fellow National Delegates, for passing our most important work at this National Council Session which was raising membership dues by 50% and removing the 25% guardrail in the Blue Book to give the National Board and GSUSA complete control over membership dues with no boundaries. And now, we come to the next portion of the National Council Session to give you a status about something we’ve been laser-focused on this past decade, which is Network Alignment. Network Alignment forces… I mean… places all of our councils onto a common IT platform, whether it works or not. Yes, we’re bleeding money, and yes, membership is in crisis, but NETWORK ALIGNMENT!!!! And we are proud to say that we are finally ALL under alignment!
<<The National Council applauds.>>
Middle TN Council Board Chair: Except for Middle Tennessee!
KL: Whatever. But we’re not done yet! To further our mission of complete and utter Network Alignment, we bring you the upgraded Volunteer Systems 3.0 platform, a stronger and more innovative way to now align the Movement seamlessly with volunteers themselves!
<<The National Council applauds.>>
KL: Thank you. And we are very excited because you, our National Delegates, will be the first ones to roll out this transformative technology! Each of you have been implanted with a microchip to deliver the ease of Volunteer Systems 3.0 without the hassle of visiting a website or logging into myGS!
<<The National Council applauds.>>
KL: And now we introduce to you, Volunteer Systems 3.0!
<<A GSUSA staffer presses a button on her tablet. Half of the National Delegate body slump over in their seats, dead.>>
Nat’l Board Member 1: You did test this first, right?
GSUSA staffer: Nobody said anything about testing.
KL: One of the components of VS 3.0 is gsLearn, a module based training system featuring a variety of topics. Now volunteers don’t have to take the the time to watch each individual video! The modules’ knowledge will be directly loaded from the implanted microchip into the brain!
<<The GSUSA staffer fiddles with the tablet. A quarter of the National Delegates who are left begin to convulse uncontrollably.>>
Nat’l Board Member 2: I’m not sure this was a good idea.
KL: Nonsense! We MUST move forward with Alignment! And now, our integrated Volunteer Toolkit will allow troop leaders digital access to the National Program Portfolio by transferring its activity plans and resources straight to volunteers without printing out any paper or taking devices to meetings! Activate the VTK component!
<<Laser beams shoot out of a handful of National Delegates’ eyes.>>
Nat’l Board Member 3: Oh my God!!!! Can’t we make this stop???
GSUSA staffer: It can probably be cleared up by emptying the browser cache and cookies.
Nat’l Board Member 3: What?? There’s no browser to clear!
GSUSA staffer: Oops.
Ann Homer, GSUSA Parliamentarian: There’s someone at the interrupting mic.
Random National Delegate: Point of order! I believe we don’t meet the necessary number for a quorum at this point. Get these microchips out!!
<<The GSUSA General Counsel leans over and presses something on the GSUSA staffer’s tablet, and the National Delegate drops to the floor due to a stroke.>>
General Counsel: I asked them to add that feature. Glad to see it works.
<<The National Board looks out over the room to see it filled with dead bodies, delegates frothing at the mouth, and laser beams still shooting out of eyes.>>
KL: Well, I think VS 3.0 is a success. What do you think?
<<National Board members shrug.>>
Nat’l Board Member 4: What’s next on the agenda?
I don’t find this very funny or educational or helpful . . .
Once again, the humor is exceptionally funny and sad at the same time. For those coming to this blog looking for ONLY education or help with all things GS, the humorous method to convey the reality of the GS technology escapades might not resonate with you. For those of us riding down the rabbit hole staying up to date with this blog, this one was really good – and I really hope that our GS board and staff at the highest levels are working hard to ensure we don’t enter into this reality. Please also say a prayer for the national organization that continues to dump money (I guess over 55mil by now) into a mandatory national technology database that sucks money out of each council (YOUR TROOP funds this with cookie sales) for a broken system. In the corporate world, what has happened with these “systems” wouldn’t be allowed or tolerated, over and over. Good one!!!