The Three Little Pigs and a Contract

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Each one built his own house to protect himself from the Big Bad Wolf. The first piggy built his house out of straw. The second piggy built his house out of sticks. The third piggy built a custom house made out of many different materials with no blueprint.

One day, the Big Bad Wolf came to the first piggy’s house built out of straw and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me in!” The first piggy yelled out, “Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!” The Big Bad Wolf replied, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in!” The Big Bad Wolf took a big breath, and the house built out of straw fell apart quickly when he exhaled. The first piggy grabbed what he could and ran to the second piggy’s house, which was built out of sticks.

The second piggy let the first one in who breathlessly told the first piggy what had happened. The second piggy said, “Don’t worry! My house is built of sticks, and that Big Bad Wolf won’t be able to blow it down!”

About a week later, the Big Bad Wolf came up to the front step of the second piggy’s house and exclaimed, “Little pig, little pig, let me in!” Both piggies screamed back, “Not by the hairs on our chinny chin chins!” The Big Bad Wolf scowled and said, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in!” and took a deep breath. About a minute later, the two piggies were standing among piles of sticks. They took off running and left the Big Bad Wolf in the dust.

Both piggies thought about their friend, the third piggy, and knew that he had built a very big and expensive house with many rooms that took eight years to build. They both agreed that they’d ask him if they could stay there until they figured out what to do with their own houses.

So the two piggies knocked on the third piggy’s door, and after hearing their story, the third piggy graciously let them in and said he would be happy for them to stay there and that there was nothing to worry about with the Big Bad Wolf. But first, he said, the two piggies needed to sign a contract mandating that they pay $2000 a month rent. The third piggy said there were more stipulations to the contract – with one being that the third piggy could raise rent with no warning. Also, the third piggy couldn’t guarantee that things would work and that the two piggies might have to move out for an undetermined amount of time while they were being fixed. The third piggy also said that if any of their belongings broke or went missing, then he wasn’t responsible for them. And last, there was no end date for the contract.

The two piggies thought this contract was very strange, but they had no other choice, especially with the Big Bad Wolf running around. So they signed the contract.

Later that night, the first piggy came out of his bathroom and told the third piggy that the toilet wouldn’t flush. The third piggy said yes, he was aware of that, but that the first piggy would just have to find a workaround for it.

The next day, the second piggy tried to open a window because the air conditioning unit only blew out hot air, but the window wouldn’t budge. He told the third piggy about it. The third piggy explained that the air conditioner unit worked last week, but after an electrician came out to fix an issue with the wiring up on the third floor, other parts of the house started having issues, and the unit stopped working at that point. He told the second piggy to fill out a Customer Care ticket and he’d get to it sometime. The second piggy moved to a different room on a different floor.

That night, the second piggy went to get ready for bed, but there was only a big gaping hole in what was supposed to be the bathroom. The third piggy told him that they never got around to building it, but not to worry – it would be added during the next fiscal year. He could just use another floor’s bathroom if he needed one.

The first piggy decided to recharge his phone, but when he plugged the charger into an outlet, it burst into flames and ended up damaging his phone. The first piggy was angry about this and confronted the third piggy saying he needed to replace his phone, but the third piggy referred back to the contract that they had signed, and the first piggy walked away grumbling.

The two piggies suffered through issues with the house week after week, but there was nothing they could do about it because they weren’t sure if their houses would ever be rebuilt due to the housing market, and they didn’t want to risk being eaten by the Big Bad Wolf. So they just dealt with things as best as they could and continued to pay the high rent hoping that it wouldn’t go up.

One day, the Big Bad Wolf came to the front door of the third piggy’s house and knocked. The first two piggies were afraid because they knew how badly the third piggy’s house was built, and they feared the house would collapse around them when the Wolf started blowing. The third piggy started to answer the door, but the first two piggies yelled out for him to stop because the Big Bad Wolf was at the door, and he’d eat all three of them up! The third piggy laughed and said, “What? No, this is one of the builders for the house! I’m about to pay him another $10 million to add on another two rooms!”

And the first two piggies cried, “Wee wee wee!” all the way home!

If you are completely and utterly confused by this nursery tale, read this.